No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize