Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
