I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
