Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize