and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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