I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
