I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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