Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
