dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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