i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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