in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
