There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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