last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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