My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
