I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So many bounce houses so little time
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
