I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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