i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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