I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
