Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
