Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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