Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
