I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
