I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
