Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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