She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
