So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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