Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize