In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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