i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize