Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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