just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
