I want to have your abortion
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just puked most of my soul out..
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