Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
