Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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