i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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