3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
