That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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