A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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