He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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