I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
