drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
