so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
