You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
