well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
