she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
