Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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