Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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