the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
