His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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