I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
