I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
