obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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