It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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