So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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