I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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