If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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