Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
