Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drake has all the answers
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
