I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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