ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
