I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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