Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
