He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
