the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize