My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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