I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize