I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
