isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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