She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
