i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
