i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
