She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
