Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
