I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
