She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
