here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
