GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
